This is not a rejection,
or insult to the external.
This is in appreciation for that,
which the external has taught.

I must face the scary thing,
or things, that hide within,
and follow the signposts,
I have been confusing for destinations.

This may take days, or weeks,
months or years,
eons perhaps,
the timeline is of no concern.

What is of concern is the intent,
to dig as deep as possible,
and find the hurt thing,
that has been calling out, in pain and love.

To comfort the guard who has,
locked the hurt thing up,
and thank it for the job it has done,
in keeping us safe.

To loosen the grips,
On that those parts I have held on to
And begged “please stay forever”,
I will say, “you are free, to do as you wish”.

To find the parts of me,
That scream “LOOK AWAY”,
And let them wail, as long as they must
Until the yells turn into song

Until the tears flowing from their eyes,
morph into a river of feelings
That have been waiting to be acknowledged,
Forever, as part of me

To let each part of me that feels divided,
Know it is not.
Know that we are in this together,
Know that it is loved, as it is.

Yes, I am scared to go inside
Yes, I am scared that in the end I will come back defeated.
Yes, I am scared that what I feel is in me will not be found.

But still, I must go inside,
Because that is where the signs have all been pointing,
And still the last place I thought to look
So now I look.

When both sides of my soul finally realize,
That continuing to fight the other
Is to continue to fight itself,
But have forgotten how to drop their guards

A paradox,
A problem unsolvable by the mind
A puzzle larger than “me”,
But experienced by “me”

I guess all that’s left to do,
Is sit and watch,
And Wait
This too with compassion

And hope that the truth,
Can pull together two parts,
And make them whole,
Again

Cat and mouse worked for a while,
A sideways glance,
A joining experience,
But I am done with sticks and carrots.

Whatever the trauma was that caused this separation,
My penance is done.
Hell and Heaven have been played out,

No more reflections of reflections,
projected onto puppets,
Where attachment comes into play
And You hide again.

No more experiences,
Where you come and dance with me,
Only to get scared off,
And find the darkest nook to hide in.

I will not destroy worlds to find You anymore,
Because the harder I look, the better You hide.
I will not accept a token blessing,
That just extends the maze.

I don’t know what happened,
But no longer can I pretend.

You are with me in this moment, no matter how hidden,
You are inside me right now, no matter how dark it seems.
And I Love You, and long for You to come back
To where you rightly belong.

In this paradise, with me.