Please excuse me,
but I must go inside now
To try and find,
What I have always searched for.
This is not a rejection,
or insult to the external.
This is in appreciation for that,
which the external has taught.
I must face the scary thing,
or things, that hide within,
and follow the signposts,
I have been confusing for destinations.
This may take days, or weeks,
months or years,
the timeline is of no concern.
What is of concern is the intent,
to dig as deep as possible,
and find the hurt thing,
that has been calling out, in pain and love.
To comfort the guard who has,
locked the hurt thing up,
and thank it for the job it has done,
in keeping us safe.
To loosen the grips,
On that those parts I have held on to
And begged “please stay forever”,
I will say, “you are free, to do as you wish”.
To find the parts of me,
That scream “LOOK AWAY”,
And let them wail, as long as they must
Until the yells turn into song
Until the tears flowing from their eyes,
morph into a river of feelings
That have been waiting to be acknowledged,
Forever, as part of me
To let each part of me that feels divided,
Know it is not.
Know that we are in this together,
Know that it is loved, as it is.
Yes, I am scared to go inside
Yes, I am scared that in the end I will come back defeated.
Yes, I am scared that what I feel is in me will not be found.
But still, I must go inside,
Because that is where the signs have all been pointing,
And still the last place I thought to look
So now I look.